Getting out of your chaos isn’t rocket science. That doesn’t mean it’s easy

Decision Time, Photo ©Pavel Dias

When things are hard and one challenge follows another in a relentless grind, we may feel stuck or desperate, or both. We want to believe that this is just a phase that, at some point, will abate, and we’ll get a chance to take a breather. The truth is, we’re always in the eye of the storm because our lives are the center of our individual universes. The bigger question is, how do we sustain the relentless pressure of reorg at work,  divorce chaos, money fears, or a health scare? 

Annoyingly, the tried and true recipes are, well, true: you will have to be better with your body and you will have to do some mental work. The specific cocktail of remedies will be unique to you, but whatever the actual specific flavor, you will have to do it. There’s just no way around it. 

Getting through a rough patch is much easier with a strong body that thrives on nutrients, regular exercise, and disciplined care. So the fundamental principle #1 will surprise exactly no one: Get outside. That’s right. Forget mental ghosts and ghouls - get out of your head and go outside first. Go for a run. Go for a walk. Go hunting or fishing with friends or alone. Just change the scenery and move your body. Is it going to solve your problem? No. But will you feel better afterwards? Absolutely. If the goal is to feel better, then this is it. You will feel better. You already know this but if you want some sciency text to confirm it, check out the Nature Neuroscience from 2023 that published a study about how physical activity makes your body produce better hormones, and thus makes you feel better. 

I don't have the artist's name for this one, I took it outside the Alte Pinakothek in Munich, Germany. But it captures the tired sense of dread, doesn't it?

Now, let’s talk about the mentals. You know this, too: your mind is malleable, and what you pay attention to, is shaping your reality. If you ruminate and dwell on the hardship, or blame or grievances, everything else will filter through that lens. 

One way to get out of this quickly is to shift your perspective. Yeah yeah, it sucks right now. But if you move away from the right here, right now, and look at the arc of your story, this is just a wrinkle. A blip. An insignificant hiccup in the grand scheme of your epic story. Here’s my favorite quick strategy to shift the perspective: I call it One Year Before & After. It’s just a very simple brain exercise: think about where you were a year ago. Was it much worse and you already moved through some heavy lifting? Or was it all wonderful because the shitstorm was only about to hit and you lived in a blissful ignorance? Either way, it’s all in the past now, you are here. Think about looking at yourself today from the vantage point of last year: would you say you’re doing pretty well, all things considered? Now shift your perspective to a year from today. Will you remember what you are struggling with right now? Will it matter? And if yes, then doesn’t that make you want to succeed even more, rather than sitting in your sadness, pitying your situation? 

When you look back and see how far you’ve come in a year, it makes you realize that the change you experienced since last year to this point right now is at least the distance you will move in another year. So a year from now, so much can be different. And the only person you truly control is yourself. It’s all up to you. 

All you want to achieve is already sleeping inside of you. You already have all the tools you need. In The Inner Game of Tennis, W. Timothy Gallwey writes, “When we plant a rose seed in the earth, we notice that it is small, but we do not criticize it as ‘rootless and stemless.’ … The rose is a rose from the time it is a seed to the time it dies. Within it, at all times, it contains its whole potential.” Like that rose seed, you, too already carry the makings of your greatest self. The C-suite battles, the late nights, the weight of decisions—they’ve shaped you, but they don’t define your future. You had the making of the warrior last year, you have them now, just go and build on that. 

Lastly, if you want a big swing out of your current situation, try something with a big ROI. Something that will shake you out of your current state. Do a silent retreat, visit a friend from college who lives in a different state (or even better, abroad), sign up for a challenge. You feel stretched thin and buried under pressure, but counterintuitively, adding another challenge - this time of your own choosing - will actually give you the sense of empowerment you need. Adding something hard may feel like the last thing you would want but actually, we are often at our wits’ end because we don’t have a sense of power or control over the situation. So when we decide on something challenging that we picked ourselves, we reclaim the agency that is missing or inaccessible in other aspects of our lives. 

And remember, all people are different people. Getting out of the boiling pot is imperative. And knowing how to get out is important, too: in general, this means strengthening one’s body and mind. But the nitty gritty of the ‘how’ for you specifically can be very different from others. Everybody tells you to have a morning routine? Well, maybe for you it looks like getting a dog and finding peace on the daily walks with Buster. Twitter telling you to go to gym? Well, maybe you just want to put on that weighted vest and hit the trail behind your house. Maybe it is that ayahuasca trip that will alter your mind. Or hypnosis. Gym friends telling you to do more creatine? Less creatine? More meat? Less meat? I don't know the right answer but you do. Or you will. Because you know you.The key first step is to move your body, eat clean, and shift your perspective. How you’re going to go about it is up to you. Right there, you got choices only you can make. Right there, you’re taking back your agency. 

The end of chaos starts with you taking control. ©hanakabelegala